Bike-hunting, job-hunting, car-hunting, and money-hunting all in the midst of a little self-exploration. I don't quite understand myself and the more I welcome the idea, the more I start to realize that I don't think I ever will. I live for today with an idea of what I want for the days of tomorrow tucked safely away in my conscience. Although I've never appreciated life quite as much as I do now, now that I've allowed myself to disregard all the self-created pressures of society and allowed myself to loosen up a bit and take the time to smell the roses, I've at last found myself stuck in a rut...for the first time ever. Its been three years since I've had to worry about finding a job. In the midst of all this self-discovery, I find myself more lost than ever. Ironic. That's life, I suppose.

Oh, and I have a really bad habit of doing things on impulse without giving myself adequate time to fully think through the consequences. It wouldn't matter anyhow, because I'd still manage to confuse myself and make an awkward and not-very-well-thought-out-decision if I were given sufficient time to do so. Oh well. As much as I hate dealing with the outcomes of my poorly-thought-out decisions, I must forgive myself as at some point in time, be it for several years or at just one insignificant moment in the universe, the matter meant enough to me to act on a sudden whim.

I need to stop talking. Stop thinking. Get to sleep. Focus on the big goal painted across my brain in big, bold, sparkling gold-lettering...whatever that may be. But I promise to toss the idea around my head a little longer (Lord knows I can't help it)...and to let you know, honestly and truly, how I feel.