Nostalgia

Yuck. Talk about awkward. As I was looking into my computer's private parts today (George downloaded a bunch of crap with lots of fun AdWare attached to it...I went in to delete it and cured my computer of its STI's), I stumbled across some old photos. Nostalgia. Instantly. It didn't really help that I spent the whole day packing and preparing for move out...only three more weeks. Needless to say, I'm an emotional wreck right now. I stare at this photo and my thoughts are flooded by a plethora of mixed emotions. Just four years ago, I was this...an awkward pre-teen with mountainous zits on top of mountainous zits, complete with big nose, braces, and a padded bra. I was a quiet girl with low self-esteem, naive, well-mannered.

And somewhere along the line, came this:

A New and improved Brandi, charisma and all, topped off with a splash of newly-acquired, never before seen energy and a boost of confidence. Thank God. I've changed so much within the last four years. Time is funny, isn't it? At long last, I've broken out of my shell and at last found comfort within my own skin. I am Brandi Lauren Bravo, unique, loud, free-spirited, and destined for greatness.

...and yet...

As I stare the future dead in the eye...with just three weeks between myself and the rest of my life, I feel a bolt of anticipation run through my body. Today as I was deep cleaning my room just one last time, it finally really hit me. As I stuffed the cardboard box labeled "DORM"with dark green Sharpie and watch it grow in size, weight, and content, it suddenly hit me...it hit me hard. In just three short weeks, I leave. I'll be in Santa Barbara, away from home, away from my family, and away from the comfortable life in dear old Fontana I've come to love. I'll be on my own, with my judgment by my side, taking on the world. I'll have myself to look to, my parent's positive influence to turn to, and my strong sense of morale to rely upon. And although I look forward to this sudden increase in independence, I must admit...my poor heart has gone through so much within the past year. From the initial teen angst-ridden feelings of "I-can't-wait-to-get-the-hell-out-of here", to the child-like, "But-what-will-I-do-without-my-pet-ferret?" and to the inevitable feeling of "How-the-hell-am-I-going-to-manage-on-my-own?"...I've put myself through a lot within this short period of time. Despite this, I am ready. The time has come to grow up, move on, and start my life as an adult. Regardless of these thoughts, and despite these feelings in this young heart of mine, I'm ready. Ready to take that next step into reality and make my mark on this world.

...