Sunday, August 24, 2008

August 23, 2008 marks the worst night of my life

...by far.

Shame
Guilt
...mixed in with some cops...
...and that empty hollow feeling you get in your throat that leads all the way down to your stomach.

But I suppose God acts in...mysterious ways.

What happened on that fateful Saturday morning (it was about 12:36 AM) could not have happened any other way. Though, I really wish it could have. I've lost it. I've lost it all. And there's not a chance in hell that things will ever be the same. Part of me is grateful. Part of me wants to rejoice. Part of me wants to jump for joy, sing a song, and just move on. At last, its over. The weight of making a "decision", of facing my family...its all over now.

But then there's that other part of me. That part that wants to crawl into a deep hole, hide away from the world and never ever come out. I don't want to move on. I want to run away from here...with him. Forget everything, forgive and move forward.

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